While writing my morning pages today, I began with the questions ‘What do I want? What do I think?’—prompts I’ve been using frequently lately. I’ll delve into the reasons for that on another day. However, today, without much thought, my focus shifted to what my ideal partner would be. Something i dont often think about because my relationship history is not great so i dont really know what i want. Yet, today, I found myself writing things like ‘I want a partner who accepts me, someone I can laugh with but who also brings me calmness, etc., etc., etc.’ Half a page later, I had crafted an extensive list detailing what my perfect partner would do, think, and most importantly, how they would make me feel.

Then something unexpected occurred. I found myself describing these qualities as if they were my own. I didn’t really do it on purpose, but rather a spontaneous continuing of the story. Though I had undertaken a similar exercise years ago, this time it was different—more genuine and driven by true feelings. In the past, this exercise had left me slightly irritated with myself for seeking something from someone else that I could provide for myself, making me feel tricked. I ended up punishing myself for not embodying the qualities I desired. However, this time, as I penned this description, a beautiful insight emerged: these were qualities I could genuinely possess myself. I can really accept myself and cheer myself on, enjoy my own company, and cultivate the calm feelings I long for. It was a great realization.

If you’ve never attempted this exercise, I strongly encourage you to give it a try. The outcomes are fascinating. It doesn’t matter if you know the exercise’s intended result; in fact, it might be better not to, as it avoids any attempt to convince you of being foolish for seeking qualities in a partner that you should embrace within yourself. The goal is to genuinely try to think about the dreampartner you would like, and be honest, it doesn’t matter if they are very different from your past or current partner. Write half a page or even a full page. Squeeze every wish out of yourself. When you feel like it could not be more complete, replicate the same text, replacing ‘my partner is’ with ‘I am,’ or a similar variation. Witness the shift in perspective. Can you recognize that you can provide all of this for yourself?

This doesn’t imply that you must end your current relationship or remain single indefinitely. It just means that you know what to strive for in yourself. If you can become your own biggest supporter, friend, and lover, you’ll likely experience more peace and tranquility in your life. At least, I imagine it will. After all, who is truly perfect? No one, right? But I am certain of one thing—it’s undoubtedly better to love yourself than to hate yourself. The more you love yourself, the more love you have to offer, potentially making you a much better partner for your significant other.

So to answer the title of this post, what does my ideal partner looks like? I have no fricking clue. But I do know this; I would like to be my own partner before looking for a ‘perfect’ other.